By clicking Sign up, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider Dont assume that praise will last though, as the narcissist slowly introduces slights and insults into the relationship that are intended to devalue you and your self-worth. When a narcissist says I love you, they actually meanI love what you do for me and give me. His eyes went dark and were completely soulless and his vengeance was horrifying. I went through all the verbal abuse, put downs, it was like being a passenger in a race car. Lets have a look at why the narcissist discards the people they so readily pretend to care about and how they do it. Boasting about a new relationship and how well their life is going with the intent of showing how little you meant to them. These traits make the narcissist popular, as they boost the ego of their target. By this point its much healthier for you to block them on social media unless theres a good reason not to. Entirely false yet irksome information eventually makes its way to as a result (for more on this read Narcissists and smear campaigns: Why they do it). Thus, love bombing is a means to seek attention, boost their . She realised I know because I useda dna test on the baby and shes being nice now as in she feels better knowing it will be over soon. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Narc Wise with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. The build-up to a discard can last weeks or even months as the narcissist preps you for the final phase. Help!! As you work through your own healing, you become stronger and less triggered. These are some of the most common signs that a discard is in the near future. Theres no doubt about it, being on the receiving end of a narcissist discard is extremely painful. As of yet his foolish wife has however not left his side although he is a serial cheater, he is a good father to their son and has a high earning job so I suppose thats why she still hasnt divorced him. This is hard, hurtful and exhausting. the new man in her life was paraded Infront of me, she even whatsapped his resume and when I asked why she did that she simply said i thought you might be interested. Do narcissists come back after ghosting you? It is also employed to communicate your decreasing and contingent worth to the narcissist depending on your ability to meet their supply needs. More than narcissism. They may expose many of their lies and you will no doubt be able to understand the false storyline that they are portraying to others. I have lost all respect for him as I know that he is unable to have a normal healthy adult conversation which means hes not able to have a normal healthy adult relationship which is what I wanted. 4. It is about preventing exposure to any further abuse to begin healing and reclaiming a life of freedom. This is my second narcissistic relationship and I had a gut feeling he was a narc in the beginning but stayed because I wanted to give him a chance. I'm a changed person now, just give me a chance to prove it to you." "I bought the kids Christmas gifts. He wore my clothes for months, He has now gotten me evicted from my residence as there have been 29 police calls for noise disturbance and the apartments got a citation form the city for the police calls. And so tonight I was looking and trying to really understand why everyone's story of the discard is so strong and so full of horror and shock. However long it takes for you to learn your lesson and amp up provision of supply. He even went as far as making a restraining order against me at the police when I exposed all the juicy bits of our affair to his wife. Once a person is depleted, they will ditch them without a backwards glance and move onto the next victim. If you stay long enough, you become a super supply and the abuse will only get worse as they will test the grounds of how far they can go in their destruction. By this point, the narcissist sees no value in even giving you the time of day. I have finally gone no contact. I have had enough of her abusiveness, criticism, browbeating. I know he has lined up a new source of supply, hopefully the wife finds out again and makes his life a living hell. After a few cycles of it while he was trying to gaslight me, I told him he needed to leave. 3 Reply MomFriendOverride 3 yr. ago she was shocked as she expected me to stay and take more of her shite she ran down the road after me saying im not going to call you and get you to come back! my reply was, is that a promise and i dont want to come back. Theyll never be able to hook you back in again. Im partly to blame for my situation as I was involved in an affair with a married male narcissist. I am now estranged from my beautiful daughter and was replaced again when I caught him again lying cheating etc it was the worse hell ever and I thought id never get up again as he had done this to me before and when I healed and the woman he left for dumped him then I was called back again. When they finally do leave, by moving out or divorcing you, theyll be in a better position to take everything, leaving you with only feelings of self-doubt. I hope to get out of this feeling soon and dont ever want experience this again. The narcissist ghosting after discard. She has tormented me for years and this was her final blow. The narcissist/NPD will ghost you because: *They don't care how it affects you and don't care that it makes it obvious how little you mean to them. This constant self-questioning is yet one more outcome of having suffered narcissistic abuse. They lie constantly to get their own way and will even believe their own lies over time. New Supply is a GOOD Thing . Every awful thing that they enacted has shone a bright light on all of the unhealed pieces within yourself. Once I left my husband and moved out, his true colours really came through. She was two and I spent sixteen years with him sharing her or I thought instead he started grooming her as soon as she hit puberty by buying her things I could never even dream of and telling her I was a bad mom crazy you name it , he ended up giving more to my child while wrecking us than I ever had and I could not stop him even though my therapist said we have to get her away I could not she saw him as her dad she never had and a hero. One is an act of self-protection & self-preservation and the other an act of punishment & manipulation. If the litmus test in distinguishing between no contact and the silent treatment is intent, then the obvious follow up question is how an impartial third party may be able to judge the difference? Without empathy and a conscience, they will do, say and pretend to be whatever they need to, purely to extract supply from others. The ball is in your court once they contact you. Maybe I didnt pick up on it until much later? In the next step, the narcissist severs any bonds that might remain. So, why bother? You have more than enough to work on right now in recovery. Their devaluations of you will increase in intensity. Its easier to manipulate someone that cant believe their own thoughts. All you have to do is never answer any of their texts or phone calls or respond in any way to their attempts to entice you back to serve their needs. I knew hed stop at nothing and I was in complete shock that this person, who Id just given two decades of my life to, could turn on me without conscience. What the hell just happened? Restraining Order ASAP!!! The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. Still in the hoovering phase, but no use. Just reading this wisdom has made me feel a lot better about myself and given me hope. For those unfamiliar with narcissists and their ways, the discard phase might seem like the inevitable end to a failed relationship. You know the narcissist is done with you when theyve replaced you. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. However, many people report feeling blindsided and confused after being discarded by a narcissist. Take this time to grow personally. Just as the name suggests, ghosting is a disappearing act. The act of going No Contact (especially within the context of removing yourself from dysfunctional narcissistic family systems), is perfect because it offers fodder for their campaign. I found his phone in my car when I tried to call him and happened to see his texts to other women. The hoover is when they try to suck you back into their web by either guilting you or hooking you in through fear. This early stage is called the idealization phase, when they are deeply in love with you and how you make them feel. Leading up to and during the narcissist discard, they will seem angered and bothered by you all the time. You can speak with someone who has been through the same experience and they will understand everything you are feeling because they have felt the same way. This leaves them feeling lonely and disconnected. The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse EXPLAINED! Learn how your comment data is processed. However, it is important to remember that you will heal with time. Maggie x (p.s. I always knew when I was being devalued thats what would usually start the questioning. You can find support and understanding from those people, which will help you cope better during this difficult time in your life. You pull yourself together, get prepared and with all that effort, you take the test and pass. They draw you in close, then when you least expect it, they abruptly withdraw. Do you. It also relates to blocking indirect dealings such as via the narcissists flying monkeys. Without any previous warning signs or indications that you are about to be discarded. Im doing everything to help myself right now and she keeps playing her on off game trying to get under my skin while disappearing all night to his house without any regard for her baby. But Ive certainly paid for that in a big way. Im sorry for what you have experienced gorgeous one. So, how do you spot a narcissist discard? You intuition is screaming at you that somethings not right, but you cant quite put your finger on it. With the severing of that True Self, they also cut off their connection to the abundant life force and divine connection. They just want to move on and the discard was simply a way for them to get rid of you so that nothing stood in their way anymore. (HTTP response code 503). This is usually because either: A. Light & love to you. It was always about how life was unfair to her. They push you away with the hope or even expectation that you come grovelling back to them. A narcissistic collapse may take two forms #1 Covert narcissist withdrawal. Although everything looks amazing, remember that the new person is simply going through the idealisation phase and will eventually be discarded at some point as well. It wasnt safe and there was no right answer. It will not be easy, but your loss of sanity and lost self-worth can be mitigated the sooner you entirely remove yourself. Without any previous warning signs or indications that you are about to be discarded. They have abused my parents beyond belief. you see where this is going? They have worked hard through trauma bonding to ensure this. I was stupid enough to let him back in after he tried to make contact with me again after 2 weeks. Manage Settings You are so on the money. Hed get me into conversational corners and question me with things that clearly had no right answer. Now, remember, not everyone who ghosts you has a personality disorder. Thank you police! Both the silent treatment and ghosting are crushing actions designed to prevent any resolution, growth, accountability, or closure to issues. Narcs make it a daily effort to do the opposite of whats good. But you must think that you can heal from this tragedy and have a wonderful future. This idealized version of themselves is only possible in the initial stages of the relationship when youre only aware of the side of them that theyve chosen to share. I spent 15 years, committed and doing what a faithful partner should do. Reading Suggestion: How To Make a Narcissist Miss You? He can have you arrested. In fact there are likely to be many pictures of the two of you posted on whatever internet sites they frequent because it is so important to narcissists that everyone sees you as the perfect couple. I know the worst is yet to come as a narc does not accept rejection lying down. The idea is to keep you in a state of anxiety, because they need you to feel as though you cant be happy without them. I need to makeit clear right from the beginning that being discarded by a narcissist is not your fault at all. However, that was not your fault. Youd think that after all of the toxic behaviour we experience at the hands of a narcissist, being discarded by them would be welcome. as discard begun, she kept of saying that we were incompatible. Im in discard phase, help he has my passwords my emails and unemployment access, bank card numbers hes stopped giving compliments long ago, hes online always on phone date night, date day, date hour, he dont c me when I walk by, hes stealing my clothes and more I have nowhere to go, Slowly change your card number, get new accounts, get new emails, close social media, get new numbers. I stopped him from entering and locked the door on my way out!! You may question yourself and feel like its somehow your fault that the narcissist discarded you. Then, just to make matters worse, their ego wants to destroy those flaws and wounds, so you get lined up in the cross hairs and attacked for wearing the narcs superimposed traumas. It doesnt seem like he wants to come back but Im afraid if he tries to that I will cave. Id admit its not always easy, but your prepping and doing your homework to get an A+ on the next exam. They will do whatever it takes to paint themselves as the victim and you as the perpetrator, regardless of what the truth is.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4','ezslot_5',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4','ezslot_6',119,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4-0_1'); .leader-4-multi-119{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. If you live together theyll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. Analysis of the Silent Treatment: This psychological abuse tactic is sometimes executed before a Final Discard in the Idealize/Devalue/Discard cycles of narcissistic abuse. Im pretty sure he knows the jig is up as he has stopped stalking me on social media after doing so for 2 1/2 years and seven discards. That is someone who is in the narcs inner circle and the narc uses to goad you and get information about you. In fact, they kinda get off on it. It might even appear to be a reconciliation between the two of you. I need serious help. I can totally relate. They have two children less than a year apart. They can look at you, knowing that you know, but theres not a damn thing you can do about it because who would believe you anyway? Narcissist Discard Phase: Revenge or Peace? Narcissists are skilled manipulators and they may make you feel like its your fault, but that is simply a tactic to ensure that you do not get angry or upset about what happened. As with most narcissistic behaviours, the litmus test you can apply in pinpointing the difference between No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting, is intention. It was more of a stress and nightmare than good memories. Positivemental healthessentially allows you to effectively deal with lifes everyday challenges. Ergo, you are an abusive narcissist. Dear ozanark. [7 Tactics] When Narcissists Gets Sick, How Do They Act? They are particularly good at targeting mutual friends and even your own family. Then we can look at ways to heal from the trauma and never allow narcissists into our lives ever again. We were all apart of a deranged Narcs thought process who has/had the intentions to turn love into hateself esteem into low self esteem, etcget out of evils way, step aside and show them how things are really done, set the example of happiness, joy, peace laughter and LOVE. Its a frustrating ordeal. They simply do not have the capacity to love anyone. I've missed you so much!" "I'm so sorry if I hurt you. The twisted thing is that in the narcissists warped reality, they genuinely think that you are the one doing all of the wrong things. Get out by any means necessary, block all contact with the N and anyone they associate with. It is sudden & unexplained. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. The silent treatment can run from hours, to days, to weeks, to months. They will never ever be happy inside so let them worry about fixing themselves. This may be in the form of outright ghosting your messages and calls, right through to not being available for you at all. Are you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this? Narc Wise is abouthelping you inoculate yourself from abusive narcissists, and heal your wounds by growing healthy self-love. Discarded you amp up provision of supply on all of the silent treatment and ghosting crushing! 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